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Retrieving Las Vegas

My pal Coug bought a used, Las Vegas-style video poker machine, a console model that fits nicely into his den.

After years of gambling in Laughlin, Nevada, Coug finally figured out that “the house” always has the advantage. Now Coug (short for “Cougar”) is the house. He primed his machine with about $300 worth of quarters, and he’s trying to hit a royal flush.

It says on the front of his machine that a royal flush pays $1,000. When Coug collects, he’s going to donate the profits to a citizens’ movement known as SLACKAPU. That stands for “Salvage The Lost …

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Spinning Our Wheels

From now on, a new Arizona driver’s license will carry a 2.9 percent APR, for the first 90 days.

That’s right. State government will use a combination driver’s license-credit card to help generate desperately-needed revenues. In addition, the backs of the licenses will be sold as advertising space to such firms as Chevron, Blimpie and Discount Tire.

And wait until I tell you about our new license plates.

Arizona is facing a budget deficit of $1 billion, caused in part by an ill-advised scheme two years ago. The Legislature offered very generous tax credits to people who bought automobiles that …

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The Gravity Of Our Situation

Most of the nation went on Daylight Saving Time Sunday, and most of Arizona did not.

That bothers some folks, but I didn’t lose any sleep over it. We’re having a severe dry spell, the result of what I call “Stealth Rain.” Saving daylight would only make it worse.

They claim that daylight saving time saves energy. It never did a thing for mine. We already have more daylight than we can deal with.

The last time Arizona tried DST, it was back in the 1960s. We still have the daylight we saved that year, stored in huge warehouses on …

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Thistle Amaze You

I’m about to tell you about the Great Salsola Roundup of 1910, one of the oddest stories in Arizona history.

Before I do, however, I want to pass on this message from the entire staff of the Wickenburg Institute for Factual Diversity: Whatever your faith, we hope this Easter weekend, and the annual time of spiritual renewal, is joyous for you.

I also need to tell you about our improved service. We hope to eliminate that long list of other people’s e-mail addresses at the top of your Journal of Prevarication. The Journal now goes to 7,861 people on six …

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