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The Emperor of Peanut Butter

The Journal of Prevarication By Jim Cook Official State Liar of Arizona

Every so often, Miss Ellie asks me to let her know where I want my ashes buried, or scattered.

“Not right away, of course,” she adds kindly.

I told her once that I wanted my remains buried in the rustic cemetery at Burton, Arizona, but my headstone in Wickenburg, as befits a liar. She figured, correctly, that I was kidding.

But the other day, I told her I wanted my ashes buried under our new granite kitchen countertop, and my epitaph carved in its surface:

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